i was recently in an amazing discussion regarding relationships with my fabulous bff, and i realized something:
a lot of women do not know sh*t about relationships, and these are not women you should take advice from.
seriously. would you ask a mcdonald’s clerk for medical or legal advice? even a broken clock is correct twice a day, so you may get one or two pearls of wisdom here and there, but most likely, their advice will be wrong. period.
we all have people in our lives who have so much to say about our relationships, but they either have never had a meaningful relationship or are currently in a horrible relationship, so what the hell do they really know? i once heard a quote that was something like: “…never take advice from someone who doesn’t already have what you want…otherwise they are just guessing…” those are great words to live by.
however, i do think that rational, thinking people can give good advice about situations they haven’t been in – so much of life is common sense and listening to your intuition. but the problem lies in receiving advice from people who have no concept of what a healthy adult relationship looks or feels like. why would you take advice from someone who sabotages their own relationships? or has never experienced a healthy relationship? i have learned through experience that people unconsciously project their relationship issues onto yours. for example, just because her man isn’t acting right, if yours commits the slightest offense, your friend may be more apt to advise you to be harsher than she would have had her relationship been in a good place. or, if you and a friend are in similar situations, she may project how she is feeling about hers onto you and yours. and if she isn’t feeling good about her relationship, then the effect on your relationship could be negative.
i don’t say this from a place of judgment, but i have started to notice many women in their 30s who seem to have somewhat elementary views of romantic relationships. perhaps it’s because i have been married and divorced, but i am fully aware that life is not always simple, and things do not always work out the way we would like them to. men are not perfect, and do not always do the right thing, and neither do women – and that does not make them bad people, and it doesn’t mean that the relationship cannot work if mistakes are made. so, it’s always interesting to me when i notice how hard women judge their friends romantic relationships – these are the people you need to learn how to filter, because life is not always black and white.
perspective is everything. so if your friend is miserable in her relationship, or delusional about her relationship, she’s probably not the best person to discuss challenges with - keep it light with her. as you get older, it’s important to understand that different friends serve different purposes. everyone doesn’t need to be involved when you are working through challenges. it’s wonderful to have friends to discuss relationship issues with, but you always have to consider the source.
and at the end of the day, decisions need to be based on prayer, and really listening to your life and what God is showing you. seriously, if he isn’t acting right, and consistently has not been, do you really need your friend to advise you on whether or not you need to be with him?
the answers are always right there, but that’s another post :-)
that is all. as you were…
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