have you ever wondered why things just cannot be the way you planned in your head? why can’t i have that job? why can’t i have that man? why does this relationship have to end?
the answer is simple: because that is not what God wants for you.
it’s so hard to disconnect from the things we have imagined for our lives. we get so sad because we have created a fantasy in our heads of what our lives are supposed to look like, or the purpose behind situations and experiences. “if i get this job, my life will be so much better” or “if this relationship works out, i will be so much happier…” or “this is the job/opportunity that is going to take me to the next level, so i have to make it work” or “if he would just act right, we can run off into the sunset together and have babies!” (sound familiar, ladies?) but at the end of the day, we are not in control. we make our own plans, do not pay attention to the way our life is unfolding, and we end up disappointed.
i think i have said this before, but one of the most brilliant quotes from my personal life guide, “a return to love” by marianne williamson is “we don’t know what will make us happy, we just think we do” this is why we have to pray and let go, and allow God to lead the way. and how do we do that? by listening to our lives. when things are a struggle and difficult, you are not in alignment with what God wants for your life. i don’t mean that there will not be challenges, but things that do not sit right with your spirit are the things God is trying to teach you and ultimately remove from your life, and you won’t let him. no matter how many times dude shows you that he isn’t the one for you, you keep going back. no matter how many times a person/situation makes you feel sad and bad about yourself, you keep going back. no matter how many times your life exhibits to you that your current course of action is not working, you keep doing the same thing over and over. why? because you are determined that you are going to have something that God does not want you to have.
whenever i think about how important this lesson is, i am reminded of certain relationship i had when i was younger. i was soooooooo “in love” with this one dude (in hindsight, i was not, but i thought i was). who never, ever, ever, ever could act right for more than one week at a time over a course of x years. it was always something. he was all over the place, inconsistent, unfocused, non-committal, and sometimes even a bit of an as*. but my ego decided that he was going to be my man. i, the fabulous and amazing makia, was going to tame him and be the one that finally got him to settle down and be what i wanted him to be. but guess what? no haps. and guess what? THANK GOD. and to this day, he is still right where i left him, doing the same exact things having made little, if no progress, at all.
i tried for years to be in a “relationship” with this guy and God was constantly saying “no, no, no, no, no…” and i was steadily fighting back saying “yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!” lol…how insane is that? to voluntarily fight the forces of the universe for some man who doesn’t even deserve you! what if i got pregnant by him? what if we got married? YIKES! i shudder to think what my life would be like now. all because i would have gotten exactly what i wanted, instead of listening to the signs God consistently showed me. God protects babies and fools, and I was damn sure a fool for thinking that i could control anyone other than myself, and that by some miracle, life was going to end up like a fairytale, even though the reality was that the relationship was pretty much a drama-filled nightmare.
also, i realize now that the purpose of that relationship was clearly not for us to run off into the sunset together - it was to teach me some valuable lessons about how i allowed myself to be treated and the type of men i chose, at the time. we have to disconnect from what we think experiences are in our lives to teach us, and be honest about what is really happening. how could this be a situation that was meant to bring me the joy that a committed relationship can bring, when it consistently brought me pain? how can this man be my husband, when he can’t even pretend to be committed to me for more than a week at a time? it’s important to be able to shift our perceptions of what a situation is supposed to be, and separate from the nonsensical fantasy in our heads.
although i know we have to let go, it is still hurtful when we have our hearts set on something and it doesn’t work out. but we have to have the wisdom to know that we don’t know sh*t :-) and we will be so much better off if we go with the flow of our lives, and surrender to what God wants for us. it’s okay to take time to mourn what could have been, but it is important to get back up, dust yourself off, and be ready to receive the amazing blessings that are in store! it may not necessarily look like the fantasy we have created in our heads, but i guarantee it will be so much better than anything we could have ever imagined for ourselves. and i believe that with my whole heart and soul.
that is all. as you were…
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