raised in the suburbs of maryland, educated in the halls of spelman, and currently residing in dc, haute mama in the city is a newly divorced mother of an amazing mohawked 7-year-old navigating her way through motherhood, career, dating, and fabulousness.
high-class or high-toned; fancy: a haute restaurant that attracts a monied crowd.
high; elevated; upper.
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my loves! i have missed you so!
i have taken a bit of a hiatus from updating hautemama, as i realized i needed to simplify my life. while hautemama brings me so much joy, it is a lot of work! i was at a special place - embarking upon a new love, deciding to focus on my career, and most importantly i had made the decision to do ANYTHING to stay at peace and be as present as possible…i needed a break at writing about my life, to actually live my life in a more conscious way.
and i am grateful that i did…and during that time i have learned so much about myself. one of the biggest lessons is that, in general, i have not mastered managing stress. some people can be cool as a fan under pressure…not i, honey. i become crazy and frnatic, and i HATE feeling that way. when i prayed about changing, it was revealed to me that the best way to manage stress was to minimize it at all costs. so i have become focused on identifying sources of stress and eliminating them, one by one.
to start, men who stress me out get none of my time. if you cannot treat me properly, and you do not do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it, i cannot spend my precious energy on you. #lightandlove but you have to go. friends who stress me out get none of my time. if you do not appreciate my friendship, or if you are not positive and supportive, i have to love you from afar. family who stresses me out get none of my time. i have enough to deal with in my day to day life, and i simply do not have the capacity to take on your sh*t, as well, my love. if you do not add value, i have to remove myself from the situation.
issues surrounding motherhood have to be immediately prayed upon, and logically addressed - i just wrote a post about creating checklists for our morning routine because i was losing my mind. and i sometimes have to ask for help! i have an amazing support system, and i am not ashamed to ask for some relief every now and then. there is NOTHING wrong with needing a break. martyrdom serves no one.
being a mother is hard. particularly when you are doing it alone 5 -6 days/week.
earlier in the school year, i had been kind of stressed out about all of my responsibilities. the evenings were tough, but our morning routine had become a nightmare - and almost always ended up with me yelling and rushing about, feeling completely overwhelmed. like most mothers, i begun wondering if i was making good decisions, and begun questioning myself: what am i doing wrong in this? do i suck it up and just deal with all the stress? is this normal? do i expect too much from him? am i coddling him too much?
after feeling really bad about everything, like a miracle, i had a conversation with one of the mothers at his school. she told me about how her kids did practically everything for themselves, and i realized that my son could handle a lot more responsibility. simultaneously, i started reading this wonderful book "the secrets of happy families: improve your mornings, rethink family dinner, fight smarter, go out and play, and much more" by bruce feiler, and i realized that morning madness was quite common in households with children of all ages, and the author suggested morning checklists to assist in creating a more routines AND foster independence. i have always loved a checklist, and i have created many to help me manage my son’s activities, but i never considered letting him be the one who actually read each task, and checked it off as he completed it…so i tried it, and it WORKED!