"beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder."
"…girls will be your friends - they’ll act like it anyway. but just remember, some come, some go. the ones that stay with you through everything - they’re your true best friends. don’t let go of them…as for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. i hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soulmate. you’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? so keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about."
“pulling” is british slang for “dating”…well technically it means, “to attract a person in a romantic way”
as you know, i am going through a personal renaissance, and it seems like i learn a new lesson every day. and the biggest lesson i have learned as of late, regarding my romantic life, is that he is my ex for a reason. it may sound simple, but it is easy to forget.
a number of things have led me to this conclusion, but mostly it has to do with the following relationship lessons i will forever live by:
· no more “projects.” you know the men i am talking about - the ones with “potential”…as my love/life coach/superfriend janelle belle says, “‘potential’ just means you haven’t done sh*t yet…” #andboom i am 35 years old, and i do not have time to “work with” a man who has yet to find his path. i don’t say this from a place of judgment, but from a place of experience, self-preservation, and self-love. i will wholeheartedly love and support anyone, as a friend, but i will not allow my life to be intertwined with someone who is in transition. i am a mother, and i have a responsibility to my son to make the best decisions possible. any man who has not proven, through his current life path, the ability to enhance our lives will not be considered as a true contender. this does not mean that he has to be a millionaire with all the answers, but i have to feel safe with him. and i cannot surrender to a man who lacks stability, which he will ultimately sense, which will lead to all kinds of issues anyway, so let’s not even go there, boo…mmmkay? #movingalong
· no more men who need to be mothered. there has been a dynamic reminiscent of a mother/son relationship is some of my romantic relationships. i was constantly educating, reminding (which men sometimes consider “nagging”), encouraging, and taking care of these men - much like i do with my son. and i actually enjoyed being there for them in that way because i felt needed…wrong answer! this kind of relationship is a disaster waiting to happen. ultimately, these men were not what i wanted. in my mind i wanted a strong man with his sh*t together who knew how to manage our lives and my heart successfully…and i wasn’t getting that. so i was constantly having to “tell them about themselves” so they would change - which 1. is not my place and 2. does not work. trying to change anyone is futile. and even more, constantly telling a man that he isn’t good enough (either directly or indirectly) is emasculating. and two things happen with that dynamic: your respect for him will diminish because you feel like he can’t get it together, and he will resent you for making him feel like less than a man. and no one should live like that. i know that my next mate will not be perfect, but i will no longer waste my breath telling any man who and what i need him to be. if i have to say too much and he doesn’t honor and value my input, that will be a sure sign that he isn’t the man for me. and i will gladly move on. i’ve read this book, and know how it ends. no thank you very much. lol.
· listen to my spirit! if i had a dollar for every sign i got in advance of the demise of a relationship, i swear i would be rich. we have to listen to our lives! i have never been completely surprised about any situation that did not work out, because as oprah says, “God always sends a pebble before he sends the hail storm…” #church. i don’t regret anything because i have had some truly amazing experiences, but i know that one of my great life lessons is to listen to that voice inside my head when making decisions - especially those that involve the heart. it’s a very simple concept, yet we have a hard time trusting ourselves. but it is important to remember that yielding to that voice is a sign of faith, and you will never be lead astray if you trust that power. i am smart enough to know that i don’t know sh*t and need help. my best thinking has gotten me into all kinds trouble :) so it is becoming easier and easier for me to surrender.
"beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."